Get Ready to Stumble

In an unintentional continuity, this post was segued by my last post, talking about the black humour and parody of the 90s, but I wrote the former 3 months ago and forgot to post it. It’s funny how much can change in that relatively short period. I will get to that in my usual long winded way, connecting the dots along the way. 

My wife and I have always had one goal for our family, and that is giving us a home. We sold our house in 2020, near the start of the pandemic. We moved our kids to BC, my wife’s home province, and the only place I’ve really felt at home. The pandemic caused the housing market to grossly inflate shortly after we moved, pushing us out of potentially buying. Fast forward 2 years, to late Spring 2022, we had a spark of an idea, ‘What if we moved somewhere with the amenities we need, but AFFORDABLE’

So we got a realtor, played the game, transferring my job, my wife found a great new position, and the stars aligned and we bought a HOME! 

Now the potential in this home has re-sparked an idea I had been working on, but started to give up on because of space restraints. You will have to wait for my new few posts for that idea to unfold though. This does all connect, bear with me…

Once things were set in stone, I realized there were some local spots I had wanted to visit, but just hadn’t made time for. My folks are in town for the weekend, and my StepDude wanted to check out the local comic book shop, Hi Octane. While we were there, I remembered there’s a quaint used book store two doors down. I had to get in there once before we move. It’s name is simply “The Book Place” and upon opening the door, I was overwhelmed and delighted by the stacks of books, and the narrow path to travel through each section. I did a lap of the store then asked my usual question that helps me gauge a store, their owner and hopefully adds to my collection; “Do you have any movie novelizations?”

This is usually met with an unenthusiastic shrug “ We used to” 

Not this time, the shop owner was nearly giddy to take me to the sci-fi section, the first book he pointed out was Dark Star, the college film John Carpenter and Dan O’Bannon made. An obvious grab for my Carpenter collection, but also ties into Dan O’Bannon having written Alien, and directed Return of the Living Dead, two of my all time favourite movies, which I will no doubt speak more on.

We cruised horror, no luck there, checked out a copy of The Wanderers, then I mentioned Congo in response to Jurassic Park and we gushed over that movie and ridiculous toy-line.

 Before leaving I noticed a couple long boxes of comics, so I called StepDude over and we flipped through voraciously after hearing the price was $1 each. I was hoping for a Swamp Thing, but I was pleased to get a couple TMNT from the Archie run, and this Cracked Magazine.

 I grabbed it based on the cover alone, that was worth more than a buck to me, if it somehow still had the advertised BONUS! COLOR WRESTLING POSTERS! Then I would be thrilled! 

I waited to get home to take a look, and I got much more than I bargained for. The posters, well it is one double sided poster, were intact, but the entire first 1/4 of the rag was a ‘movie adventure section’ which ties into my upcoming project! See I told you this was all going to come together eventually.

The satire of these movies, that I am highlighting here, is exactly the type of thing that drew me to these magazines and the BHS bubble gum of the last post in the first place. This is the motherlode! I defy you to find more entertainment for a mere loonie. 

The title page with Sylvester P. Smythe plugging in the T800 to emphasize the title really hit me in the nostalgia core. Then you get spoofs such as Rambozo; Worst Blood II, Commandork, Germinator, and Premeditator. This is probably where my oft misunderstood sense of humour comes from. 

I can’t decide my favourite gag, but it might be the Predator going on tour as the next ‘Ozzie Osbourne’ which is a weird spelling error, or just that someone drew Bennett’s stupid knit pseudo chainmail tank top in the Commandork strip. I wonder why the toy-line made up characters like Psycho or Leadhead? Nobody wanted to sculpt that fashion atrocity. 

For those young enough to think that people might have never wore shirts like that though, my dad had at least two, that he wore with cut-off jean shorts…and I’m not talking skateboarder cut-off around the knee, I am talking Daisy Duke shorts. The 80s were definitely a different time, man. 

I will be brief for the rest, and yes that is a pun about the poster…

Wrasslin' fans have wanted a Sting vs Undertaker match probably since the first time we saw Stinger in the rafters taunting the NWO in the WCW. It came close when Sting had his WWE run, well sorry it didn’t come close, Sting proposed a cinematic match versus the Deadman, but as per usual, McMahon wasted his talent that came from a rival. Cracked Magazine however, can put your mind at ease folks, because we now know that the freakin’ UNDIESTAKER would have bested STINK in the squared circle. Amazing. 

If you’re ever in downtown Kamloops, please go check out The Book Place, and Hi Octane Comics while you’re there! You never know what gems you might unearth with a little elbow grease and determination. 

Putting Arnie's accent into text will never not be cringey though. We all read it as him, why waste time writing like a joik.